How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
