I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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