Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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