Is it normal to miss your booty call?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
my liver is dry heaving
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
