Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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