I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
