did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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