dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
