dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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