The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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