And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
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