Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
