I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
