is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
