I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
