I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
