My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your dad took our porno
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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