Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
