Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
