who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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