Walk of Shame. In a state park.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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