I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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