I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
