Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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