You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
