If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
