Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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