I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
