And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
