OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
