What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm just crazy horny about you
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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