Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
