And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
