ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
