Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
