listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
