Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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