Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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