Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
