Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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