I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Your dad touched me again.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
