Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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