Someone shit on the floor
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
