i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
