that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I don't deserve a penis
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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