Whatcha textin bout Willis?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
