If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
