new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
