So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
