Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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