So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
