Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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