I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
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I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
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JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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