So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
