You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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