Having a random hookup so left but love u
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
