i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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