If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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