u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
