There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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