even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
