Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
