just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
