did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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