I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
