it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
