And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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