I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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