Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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