Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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