we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
be right there i have to get my cape
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
COCAINE IS GR8
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
