dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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