So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I came so hard my ears popped.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
