What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
