I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
