I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
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I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
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she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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