so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
