It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
bring money and cleavage
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
