How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
