Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
